Goodbye, So long, Nice try.

I'm gone.

On a new Xanga

Love

Is that just too much to ask for now-a-days?

Kenzo, Miya, I really love you guys. But this is a little something beyond what you guys can do for me.

Social Interaction. Physical contact.

For the past week, I've been upset, lonely, and anxious. I spent time with Sasami, and that was all good and fun. Every time I've had to go get her, but hey, atleast she cares. I guess.

Kiya and Katrina stopped by, but I just felt so out of place for that half-hour they were over. I wished I could have spent more time with them, but, I guess that can't be avoided. they needed to leave to do their daily activities.

Today the lonliness and shit affected me the most today.

1) Nate. I just wish he would show he cared. I just wish he did really care about me. How can someone lie, lie, then avoid and expect everything to be fine? I'm so confused, I just want to talk to him, to see him, maybe even hold/be held. I want to cry. I want him to see the pain he's caused me so far. Is this so much to ask? Some of your attention, your concern? Decency? Talk to me, Nate...

2) Kiya's Birthday: Happy Birthday, Kiya! I hope you guys had lots of fun. Did you go to see the movie, too? I hope it was wonderful, because I'm dying to go see it. Wished you happy birthday on Myspace and here on Xanga. I'm sorry I didn't get you a present, though, and I haven't been in the best Artistic Mood. I'll get something to you eventually. I know our relationship isnt anywhere, and half of it is my fault. I had a dream, and I wont go into detail, but I realize that it was right; You and Katrina have eachother, and you dont need me. No one does. I guess thats what's really tearing me up inside, is that you, kiya, dont need me. And it seems your care doesn't extend as far as it used to. Leah's even shown me more compassion and friendship than you have in the past week. But you're happy, life couldn't be better for you, so I'm just going to stay out....

I wish I could have gone, but I didn't want to intrude. "Kiya says you can go to Fridays whenever you want" Blah blah blah BULLSHIT. Thats what I have to say to that. Bull.Fucking.Shit. Like anyone at Friday's really appreciate's me. I remember my frist (And Last) friday. Everyone was looking at your art, and praising you, and paying attention to you. When I showed something of mine, I got a "More detail," or, just nothing. I'm so out of place, I'm so....You dont know how badly I want to change schools right now. I dont know, maybe I'll be able to. My Dad's moving in with Grandma Georgia. Why? Because he's a POT HEAD and he can't stop LYING to my Mom. The only thing he ever did around here was pay bills. He did do laundry at one point, then he just did his. HIS OWN LAUNDRY. That was his one and only job in the house. He just sits at Mom's computer, playing his computer-games all day when he isnt' at work. He's gained alot of weight. Maybe I can move in with him, if things get to be too much for me here, and then I can go to school out there. I'd have new friends, new friends, new opprotunities...Great, now I'm fucking CRYING now.

I'm done with this for now.

Random-Confidence-Booster

I'm really glad I made Sasami's Birfday so fun ^^ I'm disappointed that I got really down near the end, and she said it was okay, but eh. x_X

About that, Nate didn't show up because his friend called and said he needed help, so Nate went, but he forgot to call me. That dingus doesn't have my number memorized yet. XD So, he couldn't call me x_X;; Apparently he's going to make it up to me today, but eh.

But, anyways. All this excitement about birfdays made me think about mine. oo;;

Uhm. I got a necklace and two sets of earings from Kiya. A few people told me happy birthday, but my birthday has never really seemed like a big event.

I dont have parties anymore, because of how much they costed, i suppose. I dont know if I'm getting the 100$ cash option, but whatev. I'm not sure we can afford it.

Oh, though I did go out to eat at that fancy Japanese Resturant. That was really fun. like. UBER Fun.

Well, just sigh. lil' depressed over how my lack if birthday-fun is...lacking. XD

Well, today and the past day or so has just BLOWED. Mostly.

Last night I got to watch The Hills Have Eyes and Underworld Revolution or some shit like that. During the Hills Have Eyes I was twitching like crazy, so now Nate's been bringing it up every time we talk.

Today, we were supposed to see The Omen, but he took his medication and slept all day. So, I didn't know this until...a little bit ago. and thats FINE with me. But I've been on the edge today. Wanna know why? HOKAY! Lets FUCKING begin.

(BTW: Thanks to all for the COMMENTS on the last post. Makes me feel FUCKING important.)

Amber calls and is at Cindy's house for the reception of her wedding and wants to see if I can come over. So Mom whips me out a Congradulations Card and Ten bucks and I go down there. we chill for a bit, and Amber and Bubba are already at eachothers throats over little things. Just strange, and I shrug it off.

Then after hanging out for a bit, we go to Nick's house. Okay. Well, we get there and its just...PSYCHO. Thats a party house, so there's CRACK and BEER. Luckily, they didn't do anything like that. At First.

So, Amber, Bubba and I are left to our own devices and we paid for a pizza in quarters, Nickels and dimes. Bubba got into a fight with the other Domino's guy, so that was quite funny.

So, they start sucking face while I'm just sitting there, and they go into the front yard to smoke a cigarette or finger/give him handjob or whatever the fuck they did. We watched party of bruce almighty, then Sam came back. He, apparently, was my ride home. So that was a good thing.

Then everyone else comes back from the damned movie they ditched us to go see, and they start smoking cigars and cigarettes and shit. Then, I smell something funny, and Amber gets all "Are you guys SMOKING?" And Nick was like "Yeah, I am." Then Me and Amber go out onto the Trampoline. We come back after hearing funny noises, then Amber and Bubba get into a fight. Amber does the "If you thats how you think We're through" shit, and I'm just like "o___o;;; -bullet/brain-"

Then, Sam and Nick are getting ready to leave, so I go off with them. Before we left, I look to Sam and I go "ARE YOU HIGH?"

"No, I'm not." And he seemed pretty sober at the moment, so I warned him to drive carefully. By the way they start talking after that, I was a little worried and he kept swerving all over the road.

Oh, by this point I didn't know Nate had slept all day, so I was on edge from the Shit Amber kept giving me about how 'He is' , 'He's probably cheating on you' and FUCKING SHIT. >__O;;;

So, I was on edge, and we FINALLY (And Safetly, Mind you) get to my street. So, we're going down the street and Sam goes. "Uhm, Back at the house, We kinda lied to you." My jaw drops. "We did?" I'm about ready to scream. "Yeah, I'm not high...." Oh FUCKING SHIT. "I'm baked."

-breath-

AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

fucking RIGHT YOU LIED TO ME. GOD. So, I practically THROW myself from the car once we get into the driveway, and I stumble inside and explain the situation to my Mother. I'm NEVER going over there agian, and I'm NEVER Spending time with those PEOPLE again.

God. So, call Nate. He 'splains what happened. I'm tired, and I feel like I"m about ready to fucking CRY. AUGH. But, Nate was all "Doo dee doo" So I was just like "eh. -sigh-" But, whatever. Its late, I''m tired.